Just another day in paradise

I’m not having a great day today. In fact, I’m incredibly pissy.

Everything was going wonderfully until 4PM or so. I called B to see if he was on his way home, and he asked me about dinner. Shit…dinner. Totally spaced it. I confidently replied that I’d figure something out, got off the phone, and cheerfully made my way to the kitchen. Nothing. There’s nothing. I’ve got cornbread mix, biscuit mix, 3 frozen chicken breasts, a can of green beans, some eggs. There is not enough of anything to make a meal for all 6 of us. I finally come up with some questionably old bread, using mostly the ends of the loaf, which are disgusting, and in my opinion, a complete waste. I start making this gourmet meal of grilled cheese sandwiches, and a small portion of tomato soup, and decide that I’ll just skip dinner, since there really isn’t enough anyway. I call to the kids to turn off the video games and come to the table to do their homework. They grumble and argue, but manage to get their backpacks and start rummaging through them. I’ve got Animal in the high chair, and every few minutes I hand him another Ritz cracker to keep him busy and quiet, while I flip sandwiches and listen to Einstein bitch and whine about being hungry. I already feel The Rage and I just want to start screaming “What the fuck do you think I’m doing right now?!?! Trying to starve you???” Pigpen is sweetly asking me if I can buy him some books from his Scholastic book order, which is normally fine, but at this very moment, my checking account is negative, and I can’t even buy anything for dinner, much less a copy of Miss Spider’s Tea Party. I’m looking at Pigpen’s homework calendar, telling him what to do, whilst buttering pieces of bread, handing over ritz crackers, asking Einstein to “just wait for dinner”, when all of the sudden Einstein says “The toilet was overflowing and Uncle just just shut the lid.” What???? I drop everything and fly downstairs, into my brother’s bathroom, where I find the toilet completely filled up with water. Luckily, there is only a small amount on the floor and it has apparently stopped flowing. There is a dead spider in the toilet, and I am trying to carefully plunge the toilet without that goddamn spider spilling out onto my shoes. I flush and it starts to overflow again. I turn the damn thing off and run upstairs. The sandwiches are burning. They are completely black. One more person is going without dinner. B walks in to the chaos and I just throw down the spatula and walk away. This is only 10 minutes. You’re lucky you’re just getting a taste.

And people wonder why I drink.

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4 Responses to “Just another day in paradise”


  1. 1 Nikolai October 11, 2006 at 4:54 am

    Ah, the joy of children.

  2. 2 Magdalena October 11, 2006 at 5:43 am

    All aboard the Crazytrain.

  3. 4 stoogy October 13, 2006 at 5:45 am

    This is why I have no intentions of having children.


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