We’re all pumpkins

Last night was Halloween, the third most exciting day of the year for my children. (Christmas Day wins First Place, with their respective birthdays trailing along in a close Second.)

I’m not really sure why they seem to like Halloween so much, considering that most of the holiday is spent complaining about what a mean and unfair mother I am.

For one, I only allow them to eat 2 pieces of candy on Halloween, and 2 pieces each day thereafter. Yes, I am kind of a freak about nutrition, but for the most part, I have a more important reason behind my candy-nazi ways. Remember how your parents used to tell you that if you ate too many sweets, you’d throw up? I have that kid. The throw up kid. He’s also known as Gutter Gut and Garbage Disposal. And he will literally eat and eat until he pukes. Usually in his bed while he’s asleep. In fact, I just got done picking puke chunks out of my dryer’s lint trap from the after effects of Animal’s birthday cake.

Secondly, I don’t allow any super scary costumes. I’ve discovered that for little boys, this is one of the Meanest Mom tricks in the book. They never stop complaining about it and I never stop explaining myself. I don’t think it’s cute, impressive, fun, or appropriate for children to be portraying themselves as violent or murderous. When I see an 8 year old walking around with fake blood about their mouth and a hole in the back of their head, or a demonic mask straight from the bowels of Hell, I really have to wonder. I don’t mean to go all Evangelical Christian here, but folks, there is something very wrong with a culture that has found it completely acceptable to dress children up as sick and twisted characters. So anyway, as usual, my boys pushed the envelope as far as they could. Tristan was a ninja, for about the 4th year in a row. (Ninjas have weapons but they only use them in self defense, competitions and artistic displays, right?) Aidan dressed up as an alien, and somehow managed to get me to buy him a battle axe, which he promised he was just using as “a walking stick.” And Rylan, sweet Rylan. I still have my claws in him. He was a lobster. We took him around to a few houses to trick-or-treat and it was so funny watching his face as someone opened the door and plopped candy into his bucket. A couple of times, he tried to walk right in the front door. (Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do after you ring someone’s doorbell and they open up?)

Afterwards, we went to a “festival” they were having at my parent’s church. The boys got to play all those cute little carnival games like the bean bag toss, bowling, and the game with the fishing poles. It was all very Polyanna. They lured the kids in with raffle tickets for big toy prizes and at the very end of the night, they instructed us to all sit down so they could call the winning numbers. Oh, but not without a little Bible lesson squeezed in to the night’s festivities! A man at the front showed us a lovely little pumpkin “so smooth and round and pretty”, and then cut it open and showed the “ugly, yucky, dirty stuff inside”. Just like us! It was bad. I had to walk away for awhile. When I came back, he was still droning on, and at least fifty 3 year olds were running around the place, screaming, on an obvious sugar high from all the candy that had been passed out. The man was really flustered. I had to smile.

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1 Response to “We’re all pumpkins”


  1. 1 Magdalena November 1, 2006 at 11:14 am

    I disagree with not letting kids dress up scary, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with parents who allow their children to do so. That is what Halloween is all about in the first place, dressing up as ghouls, zombies, witches, and other scary things so that they can blend in and not be noticed by the real evil spirits who wandered on All Hollows Eve. If you Wikipedia Halloween, it tells you how it all began.
    It bothers me that holidays get so watered down now because of the “PC” aspect. It also gives me great pleasure to watch people fidget and squirm when my bloody 11 year old knocks on their door for candy; which I guess makes me “one of those” moms. I wonder to myself why they even bother awnsering the door if creepy stuff disturbs them that much? Halloween isn’t about being cute, even taking into account the cultural evolution it has expierienced.
    My kid dressing up as, for instance, a bloody chef, is not going to make him into some sort of social deviant. Even if, God forbid, he did end up a social deviant, I certainly wouldn’t blame myself for letting him wear spooky Halloween costumes.

    I bet you don’t venture into haunted house very often, huh? lol


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