The Nice Guy

In the past, I’ve read comments from female bloggers about how annoying it is to see fellow writers use their blogs as a platform for husband bashing. I can sort of understand their point of view. However, this is my personal journal and I’ll bitch about whatever I choose. So fuck you if you don’t like it. Besides, B doesn’t read this blog and neither do any of his friends.

So as many of you know, I’m married to The Nice Guy. You know that guy. As far back as you can remember, this is the guy who has been willing to give up the shirt off his own back. He’s polite, well mannered, a bit insecure, somewhat of a pussy. He constantly gets walked on. The nice guy who always finishes last. The quintessential mama’s boy.

However, in the last several weeks, I have felt as if I’m married to an abusive, alcoholic, wife beating husband. Okay, to be fair, he’s never laid a hand on me. But this is the kind of man he’s reminded me of. And honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if a smack here and there was on the horizon.

It all started around the first of the year. I don’t know if it’s simply a result of nicotine withdrawals, or if it’s the stress of our new place, or a combination of the two. My Dad said that scientists have performed experiements with lab rats who were perfectly peaceful until they placed them in a much smaller cage. The rats went crazy and started eating each other and shit. He likens it to what is happening in my new 1100 square foot home. We’re constantly at each other’s throats.

Nevertheless, I have been putting up with a lot of verbal abuse from the man of the house. And it’s in front of the kids. One time, he even called me a “cunt” in front of Animal. As in “Your mama is such a cunt, isn’t she Animal?” It’s almost as if all of the sudden, he’s trying to exert some control over me, and in doing so, is acting completely out of character. I can’t even believe the asshole he’s become. Today I was told to “shut my fucking trap”, and when I questioned him at the dinner table about whether or not he was going to sell his gun that he’s only used *once* in the 6 years we’ve been married, he totally flipped his lid. Yesterday, he threw a wet soapy sponge directly at Einstein’s face and when I got on his case about it, he got in my face like I was a dude trying to fight him or something. Again today, he stepped into my comfort zone to yell something to the effect of “Remember that you wanted to fucking live here, so now you’re going to have to deal with me never being home while I’m commuting.”

I’ve explained to him that he’s been really irritable lately, and the things he has said/done are hurting my feelings and that I feel as if I’m being verbally and emotionally abused. He has apologized, but doesn’t change. It just keeps on happening. Coincidentally (?) the drinking has continued, and perhaps on a larger scale. Last week, I put my foot down and told him that he WOULD stop drinking during his evening commute, and he flat out refused like a defiant child.

God knows we haven’t had the happiest of marriages. It’s been a bumpy ride every step of the way. But I really thought that once we moved into our own place that we could be be happy again. Only two weeks into it and I have lost all hope.

7 Responses to “The Nice Guy”

  1. 1 Louisa January 16, 2007 at 5:48 am

    Oh Honey,
    I’m sorry. It does sound as though B needs a big smack up side the head.
    Small houses can need a little getting used to.
    There’s no excuse for that sort of abuse. Shame on him!
    Thinking of you…

  2. 2 domestic_slackstress January 16, 2007 at 6:12 am

    I’ve had the lame, degrading issue of being called names in front of the kids. It hurts. I mean, a BAD, bad, low down rotten from the inside out kind of hurt. How can our children learn to respect us when their fathers clearly don’t at times? How can our sons learn to respect us as women in these situations.

    You are in my thoughts. Sending you strength and peace from my 1100 sq. foot home in Southern Cal.

  3. 3 ladyareto January 16, 2007 at 5:07 pm

    I can’t even tell you….you know I’m furious. I wish there were something I could do. Names in front of the kids??!! Not okay. Drinking and driving?? Not okay. That he doesn’t have enough self-reflection to understand these things? Not okay. But what do you do? Fight back? I wish I knew. But I’m thinking of you, too. Call me if you need me.

  4. 4 O January 16, 2007 at 8:20 pm

    don’t lose hope… you’re a wonderful woman and mother, I’m so sorry. all my love – call or write me of you want to talk.

  5. 5 Magdalena January 16, 2007 at 9:01 pm

    Well, I have 3 and we live in a small house too, similar in square footage to yours. That is no excuse for his fucking behavior. I can’t tell you what I would do or anything that will even help- but I am angry for you.

  6. 6 ladyareto January 17, 2007 at 2:55 am

    Can I call him? Can I tell him what a prick he’s being? Please!? Do you think he’d believe me? He’s got to own up to his shit…that’s just the way it goes. We all have to do that sooner or later. And in this case, it better be fricking sooner.

  7. 7 misspudding January 17, 2007 at 7:10 am

    Putting mom down in a very bad way in front of the kids…very bad. I grew up in that house and that’s a very bad way to grow up (lots of issues).

    Oh, I just discovered you via Thordora…please take care of yourself. Protect yourself and the kids first. Please don’t let this get to a place where you jeopardize your safety or your childrens’.

    Good luck and lots of hugs.

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