The good, the bad, the ugly

I can’t even fathom writing about a concentrated topic today, so you’re going to hear me continue to whine about my life. I imagine I’m probably losing a lot of readers. But at least my friends are still reading. You guys are….AREN’T YOU?! (Lol.)

The good news is, Animal has taken back to nursing. Whew! We co-slept, I decided to go topless and he found me in the night and nursed for a very, very long time. Now he’s back full force, nursing more than ever. (Probably trying to get the milk to come back.)

I also decided on my trip that I was going to do some detoxing from alcohol. It’s unbelievable how annoying your husband can be when he comes home from work drunk. I seriously cannot handle it now that I don’t have my 2nd glass of wine down the chute by 6PM.

To make matters worse, he pulled me into the bedroom as soon as he came home last night, and told me that he had a confession to make. “I can’t do it,” he said. “I’ve been smoking again.” He seemed rather proud of himself, considering that he has tried to quit on at least 20 occasions and each time he has started back up, he has hid it from me. He went on and on about how he didn’t want there to be secrets in our marriage and blah blah blah. I couldn’t stop staring at him in disbelief. We do NOT have the money for cigarettes. Especially with his drinking habit. There is no way. The money is not there. It does not exist. Secondly, it’s filthy and disgusting. I’m not into guys who smoke. Including my husband. That’s the way it is. He can kiss our practically non-existent sex life goodbye, that’s for sure.

In general, I just feel like I’m moving underwater. Everything is in slow motion, and takes so much effort. I’m so tired. I know that this is depression, to some extent. I’ve been there before, and although it was a long time ago, I’ll never forget the way it feels. Now I just have to figure out where it’s coming from. I hope that it’s from the Detox. In which case, it shouldn’t take long for me to bounce back. But I’m afraid that it may stem from the state my marriage is in. That, my friends, will take some time to sort out.


3 Responses to “The good, the bad, the ugly”

  1. 1 Jewel February 20, 2007 at 6:02 pm

    I am excited that Ry has taken back to the boob. How could resist your boobies? And what in the hell makes it so hard for him to stop smoking??? I just dont get it. He must have not a shread of control. I love you.

  2. 2 antropologa February 20, 2007 at 8:41 pm

    Yay nursing!

    Nay smoking. Sucks.

    Spring is soon. Things will be, or at least seem, better.

  3. 3 Louisa February 21, 2007 at 6:27 pm

    Hmm. Detox = probably a good thing
    Nursing again = definitely a good thing
    Smoking = husbands can be jackasses.
    There’s always your dog.
    When in doubt hug your dog.

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