Archive for the 'birth control' Category

Blogging for Choice

Yeah, yeah, so I’m a day late, but this is too good to pass by.

Blog for Choice Day - January 22, 2007

Why I’m pro-choice:

-Because if it can’t survive outside of my body, then it still falls under the realm of MY body. Yes, let’s say it again. MY body. Not yours, not your religion’s. MINE.
-Because if you take away my right to choose, all my other rights follow suit.
-Because everyone makes mistakes. Often terrible, life-changing, stupid mistakes. You do and I do. We all do.
-Because you don’t even want to know the catostrophic chain of events that will occur if abortion is made illegal. You don’t even want to see a glimpse of what the world will become. Because unfortunately, everyone won’t all go abstinent. Many women will still refuse birth control. Maybe because it screws up their hormones. Maybe because they’re alcoholics or drug addicts or homeless and can’t afford it or can’t remember or just aren’t responsible enough. Or maybe because, like me, they can take all the birth control and precautions ever invented and still end up with an unwanted pregnancy. You don’t even want to know how many women will die horrific and gruesome deaths, how many babies will be found in trash cans, in toilets. How many children will be brought into this world addicted to drugs, damaged beyond repair.
-Because I will never regret my abortions, will always know that I made the right decision–because I was ALLOWED to make that decision. Because I was allowed the power, the responsibility to have control over myself and my body. And because I will never forget the non-judgmental, empathetic support I received from Planned Parenthood. I hope you never find yourself between a rock and a hard place like I did. But if you do, be thankful that an underground procedure with a rusted coat hanger is not in your future.

“…She heads for the clinic
and she gets some static walking through the door.
They call her a killer
and they call her a sinner
and they call her a whore.

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes–
Then you really might know what its like
to have to choose.” -Everlast, What it’s Like


I think I have a yeast infection.

LOL. Is this a lovely blog topic or what? I am envisioning several of you groaning at this very moment, squirming in your seat. Too bad. Look away now if you’re going to be a pussy about it. (Pun intended.)

I’ve only had one yeast infection in my life, during my first pregnancy. From what I hear, yeast during gestation is common. But outside of that one incident…nada. I’m just not a yeasty person. I firmly believe that I managed to avoid subsequent infections by faithfully eating a carton of yogurt every day during the following pregnancies. By the way, I also had ZERO incidents of super-painful-middle-of-the-night-leg-cramps by eating a banana a day and taking a calcium/magnesium supplement. I also had NO heartburn by taking digestive enzymes regularly.

Anyway, this whole thing started after the motherfucking (excuse my French, but this is exactly how I feel about it) IUD caused my last period to drag on for NINE DAYS. Nine days! And because I am strongly opposed to the feeling of a sanitary napkin in my underpants, I wore a tampon inserted into my vaginal canal 24/9. I’m pretty sure that was enough to kickstart a nasty yeast infection. To solve this problem in the future, I have already decided on using a Diva Cup next month. For those of you who don’t know, the Diva Cup is a little silicone “cup” you insert into your vagina, where it collects menstrual blood and only needs to be emptied 2 or 3 times per 24 hour period.

But for now, I need to deal with the yeast issue. Because I’m too cheap to see a doctor, and because I’m anti-antibiotic (haha) anyway, I’ve decided to call upon some natural remedies. I’m really hoping the first one works. I’ve got to be at the in-laws on Saturday for a long Christmas holiday, and I’d rather not be seen with my hand continually down my pants a la Al Bundy.

So today, I am embarking on the yogurt-on-tampon remedy. In order to attempt this, you must first purchase a carton of PLAIN yogurt with active cultures. (NO ADDED SUGAR!) You then dip a tampon into the yogurt, and insert into vagina. One hour in the morning, one at night. I’m a little sketchy about tampon use again, but the thought of cool yogurt to calm the nether-regions has won me over.

I’ll let you all know how it goes. And please, let me know–has anyone tried this before? Thoughts?

The Never Ending Period

Six days ago I started my period.

Four days ago I had a Paraguard Intra Uterine Device inserted into my uterus. This little booger is supposed to prevent pregnancy for the next TEN years of my fertile existence. I guess I can honestly say that this was the leading factor in my birth control decision. However, as we all know, every form of birth control comes with side effects. Here is my ongoing list of shitty IUD side effects:

1. The fact that you have to actually get the thing inserted when you’re ON YOUR PERIOD. As if going to the gyno, stripping from the waist down, putting your legs in the stirrups and trying to keep yourself semi covered with the paper drape isn’t awkward enough. Now you get a Chux pad placed underneath your ass, and have bloody images of what is going on “down there” running through your head.

2. The doctor will tell you that you will feel a slight “pinching.” A slight pinch MY ASS. In all actuality, it pretty much feels like someone is prying open your cervix with a pair of pliers, grabbing a nice big chunk of uterus, and twisting with all their might.

3. Longer periods, heavier periods, and painful cramping. Day Four since insertion, my friends, and my uterus feels like it’s been put through a taffy pulling machine. Not only that, but there is no end in sight to the large volume of blood I am losing. Today I actually read that this bleeding could go on for weeks. After that, I might have intermittent spotting between periods. Well great! THAT’S actually the REAL reason I won’t get pregnant. Who wants to screw the chick who’s bleeding like a stuck pig 25 days out of the month?

4. Every time you pee, you need to check the toilet to make sure the IUD didn’t fall out. Also, after every period, you need to feel up there and see if you can feel the little strings still dangling about in their proper place. Tell me again why I didn’t just choose to swallow the pill every morning?

5. The copper issue. Here’s the freaky part. Nobody knows why the copper IUD works. I’d really like to know how somebody thought this up in the first place. (Let’s cram some copper up her vagina and see if it prevents pregnancy?) Brent told me that if you put copper nails in a fresh cut tree trunk, it’ll completely kill the stump. Maybe that’s where it originated. I love being compared to a stump.