Archive Page 2

My boys

So I’m borrowing a camera this week. Here are some up-to-date pictures of my boys. All badly in need of a haircut.

Einstein: (Check out the eyebrows on this kid. Woah.)


Animal: (Check out how much Pigpen & Animal look alike!


Fully trained. Kind of.

Well folks, it’s over. I have finally completed the last bit of training and the only thing that stands between me and certification is the actual work. My clients are 37 weeks and 35 weeks respectively. It won’t be long now.

The 4 day workshop definitely gave me some confidence. I wasn’t sure if I would gain anything from the experience, since my birth-junkiness has caused me to devour just about every bit of information out there, and has pushed me into picking the brains of every birth professional I have ever encountered. But I have been trained well. I doubt that I would have received this quality of training anywhere else in the U.S. My instructors are well known…nationally, even internationally. I am so lucky.

I spent the last few hours of class on my hands and knees, panting and blowing and moaning and grunting and birthing my imaginary baby. I spent it stroking and reassuring and positioning and adding counterpressure to my fellow students during their imaginary labors. I looked at the room, full of groups of three. All of us panting and blowing and yelling and rocking and swaying. I laughed. I had to, it came naturally. And then I thought of Louisa, student midwife at the very same school. Giving her fellow classmate a vaginal exam, a pap smear. This is how we learn. And learn I did. It was amazing.

An award! Yeah!

Thanks to the lovely Magdalena, I have been given the “Thinking Blogger Award.”

It was a pretty good time to get this little tasty treat, considering the fact that my depression has sucked me dry of every bit of inspiration and has left me with a severe case of Writer’s Block.

My job in receiving this award is to pass it along to 5 more blogging peeps. This is a little difficult for me, because my top 3 have already been named. (Magdalena’s blog and also Peggy’s and Thordora’s.)

There are only about 10 or so blogs on my Favorite’s list now. So I’m sorry, original award-giver. I only have two more to add to the mix.

1. Walk Slowly, Live Wildly Sara doesn’t write often, but when she does, it’s fantastic. She is the epitome of natural motherhood and has opened up my eyes to so much. Another cool thing about Sara is that she is a devoted Christian. With dreads.

2. 8cm Deluded For all you moms out there, this one is great. The Domestic Slackstress is an ex-newspaper reporter/internet news producer/magazine writer who now stays home with the 3 kids she birthed nearly back-to-back. She is fucking hilarious. Hilarious I say.


Please help baby Lily

Lily is a triplet who was born at home! Her mama was featured here on Shape of a Mother:

Lily is a very sick baby! More info here:

Please check out the Hyena Cart for items that will be raffled off. Super cool dipes, baby/toddler clothing, natural products and other fun stuff!

*Bloggers: I urge you to repost this as well*

I think it’s working…

Thank you everyone for all of your suggestions regarding my fatigue/depression. I am back to taking prenatals and DHA supplement, have increased my H2o intake, and have put a little more exercise into my life. I will definitely be looking into some iron and B12 supplementation in the near future.

While I am absolutely certain that depression is very real and intense, I do believe that it is insanely over-diagnosed. I often wonder how much of it could be dramatically improved by proper nutrition and substantial exercise.

I had severe problems with depression beginning around age 14. By 18, I was diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety. I began taking Paxil and continued on and off for the next 5 or 6 years. At one point, I was told that I would most likely be taking medication for life. During my first pregnancy however, I was taken off of Paxil and found that (unlike my other attempts to quit), I felt perfectly fine. Now when I reflect back on that time period, I suspect that taking prenatal vitamins and becoming more conscious of my nutritional needs probably played a huge part in my mood. And what sort of diet was I sporting between the ages of 14-18? Um…french fries, pizza and top ramen. Fresh fruits and veggies were not in the equation whatsoever, much less a multivitamin.

Oh, and remember how I told you that I am dogwalking for an attorney? I finally MET the attorney and guess what? He is a “she.” We had previously communicated by email only, and come to find out “Ali” is female. (pronounced “Ally”.) Ha ha. Her dog is quite the handful, but walking her is good for me. It’s like being paid to exercise! Ali lives on a huge, huge hill, so the last half of the walk is spent trudging up this thing, baby in sling and puppy dragging me upwards by the leash. Yesterday it was beautiful out, and we walked along the beach. Animal and I looked at birds and crabs and airplanes and boats and breathed the sea air and enjoyed the rare sunshine. Today it’s back to gloomy rain again. Gotta love the Northwest.

Advice needed

I figure at least 50 people per day visit my site. Today, I’m asking you to fill up my comments section.

I’m feeling extremely fatigued. I cannot locate the exact source, but I suspect that this may be due to some depression that’s been lurking in these past few weeks.

Spam me! I need some natural, holistic type advice regarding depression and fatigue. My diet is not perfect, but certainly better than the average American. I am currently taking no vitamins or supplements either. Blank slate. Please help.

An update

Wow, I haven’t blogged for a few days. I think this may be the longest break I’ve taken in quite some time. It’s not that I don’t have anything going on. It’s that I don’t have anything interesting or focused to write about. And maybe I also don’t have the energy to come up with something witty or intelligent.

So you’re going to get another update.

I’ve just finished the first two days of the Labor Support course at Seattle Midwifery School. It was intense, exhausting, beautiful and fucking amazing. I had no idea how emotional a class could be. I’ve completely lost it several times so far, as have many other students. I’ve even seen two of the instructors cry during lectures. That being said, I am beginning to believe that doula work is not for me at this point in my life. I think I’ll have a better idea after attending my first two births in a few weeks. But for one, I am currently having a huge problem finding someone who is willing to give 24/7 on call babysitting between the hours of 4AM-5PM while B is working. And for 3 kids. Nobody wants me calling them up in the middle of the night to watch 3 kids for an indefinite amount of time. I’m hoping to God that a miracle will occur that will allow me to get through these first few births for certification purposes. But after that, I highly doubt that I will be able to continue with a regular schedule, with several clients due each month. Secondly, the pay is just not that great. Starting out I could probably charge about $350 a birth. But in comparison to the work that is being done, I imagine that I will come uncomfortably close to breaking even. Not that I want to do this for the money. That isn’t it at all. I would do it for free if I could. But I can’t. And after 2 prenatal visits, gas, childcare, paperwork, parking, possibly a birth that lasts days, a postpartum visit, etc…what kind of profit am I looking at? Which brings me to my third reason behind shying away from this: It is becoming increasingly clear that sometime during this year, I will again find myself in the realm of Single Motherhood. I don’t want to go into details and keep rehashing my shitty marital problems, but last night felt like the last straw. The Man (drunk and angry) got a little more physical than I am comfortable with. And all because I was dead tired and passed on a sex offer.

I just wrote a big ranting paragraph about my feelings on this and then deleted it because like I said, I don’t want to go into details today.

Let’s see, let’s see, what else. Oh! I do have two “odd jobs” lined up, which is very exciting. In a few hours I meet with an attorney who is looking for a dog-walker for his 2 year old lab. He’s looking for 2-3 days a week for an hour-long walk. $15 an hour and a portion of mileage paid for. Totally fun. Since I already walk Kai several times a day, I figure that since I’m out anyway, I might as well take on another dog. Especially for a possible $200 month in income. I’m also in contact with a woman who is looking for childcare for her 3 daughters while she is out of town for a week. $100 a day. I’d have to stay at their house with my kids during that week, which would be SIX kids all at once and just little old me. But again, $700. Worth it. I think.

That might be it for now. Happy Sunday, folks.